swearing off gum.

when i bite my lip, or the inside of my cheek, it makes me furious.
i hate how it happens out of thin air.
take, for instance, what happened just moments ago:

here i am, at my desk at work, gently chewing along on a small stick of orbit spearmint gum, when CHOMP, there goes the inside left corner of my lip. maybe i don't realize my own strength. maybe i don't realize how...

i just did it again. this time, the inside back right corner of my cheek. WITH MY MOLARS. ow.

ANYWAYS. where was i?

maybe i don't realize how hard i am actually chewing. maybe i am GRINDING DOWN FEROCIOUSLY, taking out stress on my unsuspecting teeth and a unit of orbit, just under the impression (the false impression) that i'm chewing gently, when in all actuality i am clenching with the kind of force an elephant exerts on the ground beneath his feet. maybe. maybe i need to be more mindful of how i'm chewing.

because, man alive, when a portion of my mouth makes its way between my upper and lower jaws, LOOK OUT.

it just makes me irate. in my anger-clouded frustration, as i physically make myself stop what i am doing to mentally regroup, this is what happens involuntarily: a wave of heat washes over me from head to foot. my head hunches down into my shoulders like a turtle, my hands ball up into fists, and i shake like a two-year-old; in my mind i am screaming, "Ooooooooooooo!"

perhaps i need to deal with this problem. maybe it's a result of too many encounters with frustrating coworkers where i smile and nodd graciously even if i don't want to... then i chomp on my own skin and experience a freak out... yep, that's probably it.

funny how all my attempts at remaining composed and having a peaceful disposition unfold on me when i hurt myself inadvertently. funny!

internet, thanks for letting me unload about my lip-biting frust.