january 6: day 3

just some internal reflections for tonight.

today was a difficult day emotionally for me. i felt like the first part of the day was great, moving right along and getting those big daily things checked off the list. the latter half of the day was harder. i'm struggling in this space between pouring out all of my energy and effort and strength (physically and emotionally) and realizing it's impossible for me to do everything perfectly. and that makes me realize more now than ever how much i look for approval and expect perfection from myself. for awhile now i've been really trying to work on this area of my life because it's so deeply seated and produces so much anxiety... and i guess i'm realizing this is going to be one of the hardest parts of the course for me. i am certainly not going to do things perfectly. it's impossible. i'm not going to try something brand new and produce perfect results the first time, or even the 100th time in some cases. i realize i'm needing to figure out how to embrace the learning process for real, because it's going to take accepting my own shortcomings and learning how to give myself some grace and room for mistakes and all the while still moving forward. and that is so dagnabbit hard.